Somehow as you walked bravely through life, dusting yourself off after every fall, that little seed sprouted in the darkness and quietly grew, feeding on fears and irrational beliefs.
When we really think of it, so many of our behavioral issues arise from our insecurities. We try to establish our dominion over another because we fear they may usurp whatever power we have at present. We desperately shut down that critical voice because sometimes it just sounds too truthful for our liking.
Many a time, we blame the environment for causing negativity within, and sometimes this is true. But what if there’s a part of us that we have to deal with?
I knew I had insecurities to deal with. Simply ignoring them and immersing myself in work did make them stay away for a while, but they often came back, sometimes stronger than before.
So I decided to adopt a different perspective.
Insecurities are most often the product of past experiences. A child of your past.
And what do you do with a child? You listen, you offer solutions and most importantly – you love it.
Listen to it.
Imagine you’re a wise child therapist/ parent speaking to the child that is your insecurity. Take your time. Gently ask yourself what are the most obvious signs right now that stem from your insecurity. It may be anger, jealousy, irrational hatred or an intense fear. Don’t judge anything that comes across.
Just write it down as a list first.
And then, work with each item on your list thoroughly.
What is causing the anger? Is it because you’re being denied something you think you deserve? Or is it just something that springs out of some hidden jealousy/ prejudice?
Treat yourself with love and write down every single thing that comes to your mind. A whole word, a sentence, a name – anything. Be honest with yourself – this is your child, and you can only help if you know what’s bothering them.
Analyse the response.
After the intense one-on-one session, let the child go and let yourself relax. Take your mind off the whole thing. You may be surprised, even embarrassed by what’s in from of you but don’t brood on it.
When you feel the time is right, go back to your list. To that honest outpouring of emotions. Analyze each one thoroughly and look for patterns.
There should be a root cause for many of the issues that you face.
For instance, intense hatred towards a sibling, jealousy for a friend or coworker, anger towards a more successful person etc. may all sprout from a crippled self-esteem.
Understand what’s bothering you, and what lies at the root of all your fears and worries. Work out a plan – you could use the internet for this – to gently deal with them.
And once you’re done with the plan, keep that aside and give yourself a break again because you need all the energy and love you can muster for this final step.
Once you feel you’re ready, pick up your plan of action, your ‘diagnosis and prescription’. And then, imagine you’re a loved one of your present self. It may be a parent, a spouse, a teacher – any relationship in your life that you dearly desire/ respect. Put yourself in their place and write a letter to yourself, strengths and insecurities all.
Pour all the love you can into every single word you write. I love you, I’m always by your side.
Advice your plan of action to your present self, with all assurance of help and acceptance, and send this to yourself. This letter is your precious possession.
You could fall back on it at a later day and soak in the love and appreciation. Or if you feel like there are new problems cropping up, you could do this more frequently.
It’s all up to you.